i acted so distant then, didn't say good-bye before you left

[Laurnen Eliana Kiluna]

-- everybody says that time heals everything
whatofthewretchedhollow,theendlessinbetween?

[ private, for micah lorren blackthorn and laurnen. <3 ]

Laurnen had never been so excited before to go to bed than she had in the past few weeks.
Every night when she was in her bed, she hesitantly called out a greeting to the person she knew would be waiting on the other side. Over the weeks time, their careful banter had become more causal, and she considered her and this person to be friends, really close friends who share secrets in the dead of night when not a thing stirs.
Still, though, she still had no clue to the identity of this mystery person any more than she did when they had their first conversation. Her cheeks turned red with embarrassment just remembering it - he had heard her crying through the thin walls and had tried to comfort her. It had been the first thing to show her that he was truly a kind person, and through their nightly talks, she felt even stronger in this opinion of hers.
But tonight was different. Tonight was the last night he would be staying at the palace, he had said earlier. They had treated it like it wasn't worth thinking about before, him leaving, but now that it was finally here, it disturbed her, and that scared her. Why had she grown so dependent and expectant on a person she didn't even know? She could talked to one of the ladies instead, but it was never the same. They treated her with caution, like she was made of glass, and always replied to anything she said in a polite way. She had never felt close to them as they had to eachother, always being left out because she was the Queen.
Laurnen hated her job some of the time, and those times were when this person had helped her, reassuring, sympathizing, and even relating. She felt closer to him than, truly, anyone. At least, anyone after her mother died. After she had assumed the role of Queen, the few friends she had acquired as a Princess had faded away, and she eventually had given up on them. Her mother, of all people, was her closest friend, and she had never gotten anyone to replace her when she died, but the mysterious person on the other side of her wall was close.
So, now that he was leaving, it was to her like she was back where she started - alone. But had she truly ever not been? It was just a temporary thing, she had known that from the start, his staying at the palace. He had a home, and some lands to watch over, and it had been silly for her to think that their friendship would last. After all, she didn't even know his name! Then again, he didn't know hers either.
Sighing, Laurnen quickly changed into a plain, cotton nightgown, the paused for a second. What if . . . what if she went to meet him tonight? Then they would know who the person they had been talking to all this time had been. Besides, if their friendship was going to end anyway, why not with a bang, finding out that your friend was the Queen? She giggled softly to herself, wondering how he would react.
Skipping back over to her wardrobe, she pulled out a much nicer nightgown, one that had lace and was made of silk. Laurnen didn't really know why she was dressing up, but she just knew that she wanted to. Walking towards her mirror, she fashioned her hair into two (very long) pigtails, one on either side of her head, reaching down to just above her knees. Her mother had always done this hairstyle for her when she was a girl, but when she became Queen, it had suddenly become too "childish" for her, so now was a good opportunity to try it out again.
She stuck her tongue out at herself in the mirror, then laughed at herself, wondering why she was acting so hyper.
Going over to the wall, Laurnen heard the clocktower begin to chime. She counted the bells; eleven, which was perfect timing. Her mystery friend was sure to be in bed at this hour - in fact, everyone at the palace was!
Leaning over and cupping her hands over her mouth, she said through the wall, "I'm going to come over to your room, because it's your last night here. One second!" Though there may have been objection, she didn't hear it as she merrily hummed to herself and went out her room after looking down the halls to check if anyone was there; no one was still awake at this hour.
Knocking first on the door next to hers, she waited merely a second before opening it. The room was too dark to see but a faint outline of a person, with only the windows giving feeble light through their curtains. Walking inside a few steps and closing it behind her, she called out hesitantly, "Hello?"

arewejustgoingto wait it out?

[Micah Lorren Blackthorn]

ooc: the word "objections" gave me an impossible idea. Ohdear.

Micah laid back on his bed, his hair messy and wearing a pair of pants and little else. Any other night, he might have bothered with a shirt, but after his evening, with his father forcing him out of the palace--how ironic hadn't he first had to force Micah to stay there? Wasn't that the reason he'd gone out drinking? Pestered Lauren---No.

After weeks, Micah still couldn't get her out of his head. Had she thought of him? At all? Surely his words must have reached her heart even a little? He felt she was more than just the stiff character she made herself into around others. He could tell she wasn't as perfect, and prim, and proper as she was at parties. On the other hand, she was perfect, in her own way. But then Micah's mind went down that rabbit hole again, trailing after invisible dreams. He didn't know when he'd starting thinking of Laurnen that way--that maybe he regretted losing her after their fight. That maybe they could have been something more than just two people, no matter their positions, meeting on a random night, sharing a kiss or two, and leaving it at that.

But it didn't matter now. He'd seen her, a couple times, while he was at the palace, but they never spoke. He was leaving now, since whatever plans his father had made for him while he was supposed to be staying here had fallen through. Micah had found something happy to cling to while he was here, though, despite the fact he was complying to his dad's wishes.

For one, he got away from said family member. Two, there was the mystery girl on the other side of his wall. He'd taken a liking to her from the start. And even now, he hoped to get one last night to speak with her before he had to return to the hell-hole called home. There were times, though--the lilt to her voice or the pitch of her laugh--that reminded him so much of Laurnen it sent him back to that night in the alley, where he held the fae Queen (not that that part mattered) in his arms, if only for a moment of teasing.

Micah was jerked out of his thoughts by the sudden sound of his secret friend's voice. Her light tone, hushed, came through the wall, "I'm going to come over to your room, because it's your last night here. One second!"

Micah opened his mouth to protest, and even got a few meaningless words out like "wait!" or "but it's nearly midnight!" but she didn't seem to take any notice. After all, what had he ever cared about seeing a girl at midnight before? Or maybe it was the fact he'd forgotten to wear a shirt since some idiot had decided he might look nice covered in alcohol. Micah had gone home, taken a bath, and dropped into bed. And now he was paying the price for laziness. Well, sort of. He didn't care how much of himself a woman saw before, but this was different. She was different.

Sitting up quickly, and startled by the knock, Micah's yes sought out a figure standing in his doorway. He heard the resolute click of the door closing behind his guest. "Hello?" she asked.

In the dimness, Micah could make out that she was facing him. Her hair, which was a two long shadows on either side of her while tied up, fell to her knees, but her height made that considerably less than it would be on any other person. The luminescence from the window shone on her pigtails, turning them from whatever color they were normally to a dim grey-silver.

But it wasn't her long hair, or her height, or even her voice that gave her away. As her eyes searched his room, he single ray of moonlight that slipped between the curtains managed to spark off her irises. Dark blue, a perfect shade of navy that rivaled even the deepest of royal dyes. He knew those eyes. He'd tried to catch them, hold her gaze, many times from across the room, failing miserably each opportunity. How could he have been so stupid? There she was, standing in front of him, and he'd fallen for her all over again. Twice. And he hadn't even known.

But he had to be sure. Absolutely sure. Rising, he quickly ran to the curtain and threw it open, casting brightness into the room. The moonlight glanced off her delicate body, turning her skin to skin to white and hair to liquid silver and eyes to seas of color. It was her. Exactly how he remembered, and yet so different at the same time. She looked younger, with her hair tied up like that of a child's. And her eyes didn't dance with anger for him, but rather excitement and energy, despite the late hour.

He wasn't even going to mention the night attire. Silk, as a Queen should wear, that fit her form eloquently and almost made Micah want to blush. Almost.

. . . Did she really have that much on an effect on him?

Micah stayed in stunned silence for a moment. Somehow, it all added up--all made sense now. His voice came out hoarse as he whispered, "Laurnen?"

The single word, her name, was all it took for him to realize that she must hate him. She must think he tricked her into becoming friends with him. Now she was going to hang him, for sure. He didn't dare say anything other than her name, and he didn't dare move.

It was going to be a long night, at best.

[Laurnen Eliana Kiluna]

-- everybody says that time heals everything
whatofthewretchedhollow,theendlessinbetween?

Laurnen stood there expectantly in the dark, waiting for her eyes to adjust. She resisted the urge to tug on one of her pigtails nervously, and instead gripped the sides of her nightgown. She could barely see as the figure got off his bed and threw open the curtain, letting the moon's light shine through. She blinked against the light, closing them for a second then squinting through them.
When she could finally open her eyes wide enough to see, she heard the mysterious person whisper, "Laurnen?" When she realized who it was, her mouth dropped open - very unQueenly, she would think later - and she backed towards the door. Laurnen was speechless, just as Micah - Micah, of all the people! - had been.
Had he known it was her all this time? Was it all just a trick? And all this time I thought I had a friend, she thought bitterly, but then the Queenly side of her told her to give him a chance, like she did in court. Let the one charged talk.
"Did you know it was me, M-Micah?" Her voice trembled slightly, and she winced.

[ sorry for short reply, have to go RIGHT NOW for the bus. :3 ]

arewejustgoingto wait it out?

[Micah Lorren Blackthorn]

ooc: It's okay. xD. Still something.

A string of curses threaten to spill out of Micah's mouth as Laurnen recognized him and began backing to the door. His muscles were taut, ready to spring after her if she bolted. He didn't want to lose her again. He wouldn't. But instead of running, Laurnen asked, her voice shaking slightly, "Did you know it was me, M-Micah?"

At least she was giving him the chance. Micah shook his head, no. He ached to go to her, to kiss her like she had kissed him in the alley--for, if he remembered right, she had been the one to turn it into someone more heated than it was. "I didn't know, Laurnen, I swear." He almost cussed out loud again. Why would she care about his promises? His words weren't good enough for her before tonight, why would it be now? Why would she believe, now that he knew who she was, any of the things he'd told her through the wall? Why would she believe that he was being honest? She didn't need to. It didn't matter to her. His words never matter to her . . . did they?

But then the question of why? popped into Micah's head. Surely Laurnen wasn't putting on an act the night he'd met her. Why was she crying then? Was that him? Surely not. He couldn't have gotten to her that much, right? She'd probably been weeping for some other reason. Then again, after she'd gotten to the palace, she'd gone straight to bed, hadn't she? Micah wasn't going to start doubting her words now. One cynic was enough for the both of them right now. Especially in this situation.

When Micah wanted to just forget Laurnen hated him so much and wrap his arms around her and just kiss her.

Yeah, like the night needed even more impossibilities added to it.

[Laurnen Eliana Kiluna]

-- everybody says that time heals everything
whatofthewretchedhollow,theendlessinbetween?

Laurnen stood there, just staring at him, trying to see the truth in his eyes, eyes that had caught her interest when she first gazed in them. How long ago that now seemed to her, almost years in her mind, though it was merely weeks. After that night, when she woke up she had vowed to not involve herself farther with Micah Blackthorn, yet here she was, talking and - did she dare even think it - falling in love with him?
Her eyes widened at that idea, but still, she couldn't completely rule it out. Then again, how did she know that what she felt when she looked at Micah was love? She had never been in love before, so it was probably just simple lust. Besides, if she was in love with Micah - which was preposterous - she would really be in love with the person who talked to her through the wall, and he wasn't anything like Micah.
Almost like in a dream, she asked quizzically, "Who are you really? The troublemaker who plays with hearts at eleven, or the hero who comforts crying strangers at twelve?" Laurnen wasn't even aware that she had spoken out loud, so dazed was she.
Caught in a muddle of emotions, slowly she sank to the floor, leaning on the door behind her for support. Her hand unwound itself from its tight grip on the doorknob, and instead she wrapped her arms around her knees, bringing them to her chest. Resting her head on the tops of her knees, she watched Micah as she sorted the crazy haze of thoughts whirling around her head.
Betrayal. That was what she first detected she felt. Betrayal that her close friend had, all this time, turned out to be the very person she was trying to escape from. Though it was not on purpose, Micah had betrayed her through the simple act of being himself.
Curiousity was second. Why had he had comforted on that night so many days? Why did she feel like his eyes were looking at her ugly soul, full of lies and falseness? Why did he act the way he did if he was really a kind, caring person?
Next was anger. Part of her was convinced that he was lying, that he had known it was her the whole time and had tricked her into revealing her deepest secrets. He was a liar, out just to get her to be honest to her, then rip out her heart and destroy her soul. She tried to push those feelings away, telling herself that it wasn't true, but they lingered on in the back of her mind. She couldn't help but be suspicious of Micah Blackthorn, no matter how much she trusted the person she had the conversations with at night.
Finally, she felt affection, which surprised her. Truly, she knew she was only close to the words he had said to her through the wall, and even though she was stunned by how he had been Micah, she was glad to put a face to the voice. Laurnen felt like they now had a connection that ran deep within them, hidden in the shadow of their hearts.
After staring at Micah for a while, she dropped her gaze to the floor. Getting up, she walked over to where Micah was standing and sat on his bed, looking at her hands which were clasped tightly together. "Um . . ." she said, her voice breaking the awkward silence between them. She dared to look back up at his face and cautiously questioned, "Were we ever really friends?" She had to know the truth, even if it hurt her. Now, this experienced had taught her not to trust anyone again. If Micah had really been friends with her, she still would close her heart off to anybody, because what could happen next time? It could be someone willing to use her secrets to hurt her, someone who couldn't be trusted, or even a spy from a different kingdom. She had been so stupid! She shouldn't have said a word when someone had asked her if she was okay, but secretly, she didn't regret it. She didn't regret the bond she had felt between her and Micah.

arewejustgoingto wait it out?

[Micah Lorren Blackthorn]

Micah could only watch Laurnen's expression. When she asked him, "Who are you really? The troublemaker who plays with hearts at eleven, or the hero who comforts crying strangers at twelve?" he honestly couldn't respond right away. He wanted to give her a true answer, and to do that, he had to think about his own actions for a while. He took so long that Laurnen moved from her spot where she'd sunk to the floor against his bedroom door to the bed. "Were we ever really friends?"

Micah hesitated, only because he was thinking of how she'd respond. If he said yes she might think he was just assuming that she thought of him as a friend. If he said no because she didn't think of him as a friend, then she'd know he was lying about who he was. He swallowed and began, "I never lied to you Laurnen, and don't friends tell each other the truth? It takes two to tango, right? Well, if you say we're friends, or were friends, at least, then I'd say we are too. I think we are. Or were. Or could be, if that means anything to you.

"You may not be able to take me seriously, and you may just say I'm a good actor, but everything a told you, when I didn't know it was you I was talking to through that wall, was really me--not some wall I put up to block out everything. To block out the pain. Heck, think about it Laurnen," Micah pleaded. "Why would I lie about myself if I thought I'd never see the person on the other side of that wall? And if they found out who I was, why would I care? It wouldn't even matter then. After a couple of weeks, I'd be gone, and we'd probably never see each other for the rest of our lives."

Micah's fist clenched at his side. He wanted her to understand that he wasn't putting on a show. Now, or any of the other times he'd talked to her. Finally, curiosity getting the better of him, he asked the question that had plagued his mind since he found out Laurnen was the woman he'd spoken to every night for the past weeks. "Why?" And then he moved to sit on the bed beside Laurnen, giving her plenty of space so she wouldn't feel like he was trying to trap her or, perhaps, make a move on her. Again. Well, there went his mind, right down that path again. Restraining himself from lunging at her and kissing her until morning, Micah turned to face her, meeting her gaze, no matter how harsh. "Why were you crying that night? Was it because of me? God, Laurnen, I'm sorry. I was just angry enough at everything that I took it out on others--you of all people. I'm sorry for all of this, not just that night. For hurting you, for accidentally tricking you into being my friend. If you hate me, I'm pretty sure you have enough reasons to. But I'll be gone tomorrow, and you won't have to deal with your nightly conversations with me anymore."

[Laurnen Eliana Kiluna]

-- everybody says that time heals everything
whatofthewretchedhollow,theendlessinbetween?

"I . . ." Laurnen began, her eyes filling with tears. She blinked quickly, managing to keep them away, but Micah's words haunted her. She felt guilty about doubting him; she would have never thought that their bond was fake if she hadn't known it was Micah. Why was she automatically suspicious of him? Though he had said words that went past the stone wall guarding her heart and stabbed her soul those weeks ago, words that were true, why was she still angry at him after all this time? But then she realized it.
It was because she couldn't fit him in a box. He didn't go in "noble" nor "rebellious" nor "boring." He didn't work in any category she put him in, and he kept on surprising her. Laurnen didn't know what to think of Micah, so naturally, she didn't like him. She had never liked surprises when she was young - she needed to know the facts and details of everything to work it out, and that attribute of a Queen was affecting her personally now.
Laurnen felt the temptation to once again avoid Micah's penetrating gaze and look back down at her hands, but she resisted it. A Queen does not do that, and at that thought, she started crying. He had been right all that time ago, and he was right now. When she had asked who Micah was, she really should have asked herself. She had acted the part of a Queen so much that it invaded her thoughts and opinions, and she looked at everything with a cold and neutral gaze. Who was she?
Hastily wiping away her tears, she looked at Micah yet again, her eyes bright with unshed tears and determination. "I don't regret anything Micah, and most of, you shouldn't regret telling me those things that night long ago. They were true, but I was too much of a coward to admit it." Bitterness filled her voice, and Laurnen considered stopping right there - but no, Micah deserved to hear what she thought, especially after baring his soul to her. She had to get rid of her Queenly pride if she was to go through with what she was going to say.
"The truth is, I've spent so long being a perfect Queen that I forgot what it was like to be normal. My mother gave me that time, but when she died, I had no one. My friends left me, scared of offending me, and I never found any new ones. I had no one, so I retreated into myself and let the Queen in me shine through, scarring the true me. Now, I don't know who I am besides a Queen and a girl who tries her hardest to act perfect, hiding behind deceit and falsehood. I don't want to act like a Queen anymore now except for when I have to, but I don't know who I am besides one. Will . . . Will you help me find myself?"
Laurnen managed a small smile then, adding, "And thank you, for helping me realize this." And she didn't know what compelled her to do this, but she leaned forward, and placing her hands on his cheeks, gently pressed her lips to his. She was shocked at herself, but she also felt . . . happy? It was then that she realized that the connection between her and Micah wasn't just lust, but then again, who knew what Micah felt? At the troubling thought that Micah thought this was awkward, or was inwardly laughing at her, she started to pull away.

arewejustgoingto wait it out?

[Micah Lorren Blackthorn]

ooc; *spazzes out and dies from fangirling* LAURNEN. LY, I ALMOST LOVE YOU AS MUCH AS MICAH LOVES LAURNEN. ALMOST. But not enough that you're immune from pop-tart projectiles.

Micah listened to every word, not an article escaping his ears. He wanted to reach for her and show Laurnen that she didn't have to be anything like the Queen she was outside of her room around him. She could be herself--whoever that was--and Micah would accept her, wholly, completely, and selflessly.

He was so focused on not grabbing her and kissing her when she asked if he--Micah of all people!--would help her find herself, and then thanked him, that he didn't notice when she was leaning towards him until she put her hand on his cheek. Micah felt warmth on his lips, and was too shocked, for a moment, to respond. After everything he'd done to her, and after what she'd just told him, Micah would've been happy enough that he didn't end things on a bad note.

But this . . .

Laurnen kissing him was enough to shock him into stillness. Until she began to pull away.

Micah's arms wrapped around Laurnen almost instantly, pulling her closer and securing her in place, but giving her enough room--if she wanted to--to still draw away from his lips. He tilted his head to the side, deepening the kiss, and aiming to chase after any more that might follow.

And the pain, the fact he would have to leave in the morning, everything, was forgotten. It didn't matter that he was falling in love with the fae Queen and that relationship could only bring complications. It just mattered that he did love her, and that she was in his arms.

And she hadn't run away from him the moment she'd seen him.

He would make sure she would never regret her decision to stay, just in the exact same way she'd told him not to regret any of the things he'd said to her. While he did regret, given the chance to change things, he wouldn't take them back. Because if he changed the past, he'd change the future, and, right now, there wasn't any other place or time or situation in which Micah would rather be.

[Laurnen Eliana Kiluna]

-- everybody says that time heals everything
whatofthewretchedhollow,theendlessinbetween?

When Micah wrapped his arms around her and deepened the kiss, Laurnen closed her eyes in bliss. Something about this just felt so . . . so right, though she could not put her feelings in plain words. Words could not describe the feeling welling inside her heart, the irresistible pull towards Micah, the feel of his soft lips on her, their breaths sweetly mingling. She let out a soft, content sigh, her eyelids lazily opening a bit so she could look at Micah's face. Dazily, she thought about how good of a kisser he was, and how this was only her third kiss.
Laurnen couldn't help it - she smiled against his lips, then pulled away and started laughing. The thought itself wasn't that funny, but now she couldn't stop laughing. Keeping Micah's arms wrapped around herself, she suddenly worried that Micah thought she was laughing at him, and managed to get out, "It isn't . . . haha . . . you . . ." She could barely breathe from laughing, and snorted, whcih only made her laugh harder.
CWiping away tears that had started to go down her face, she said, breathless, "I'm sorry, I just . . . hehe . . . don't know what came over me." She gazed at him with childish delight and affection in her eyes, smiling widely, feeling free. Was it because that the whol time, she had been in love with Micah since that night, and now that she could finally admit that to herself, she felt content? She certainly felt content, here with Micah. Laurnen looked up at him, reaching to stroke his cheek, then started laughing all over again.
"I'm . . . sorry, you're just . . . you just . . . ahaha! You're so much . . . taller than me . . ." Finally calming down, she tried to keep back a smile and act serious for Micah's benefit - who was probably confused - but it didn't really work, and her lips just ended up twitching upwards endlessly. Nothing in particular was very funny, but suddenly the Queen found everything hilarious. To stop from laughing again, she grabbed hold of Micah's neck - about the highest she could reach - and pulled him to her, leaving her face a centimeter away from his seductively. Suddenly, the laugh hiding inside her died out, and she was concious of her outfit, and about him not having a shirt. Drawing away from him, she looked down at her lap and fiddled with the end of her hair. She muttered, "I'm sorry, that was irresponsible of me . . ."

[ she just had a yukiko moment. xD ]

arewejustgoingto wait it out?

[Micah Lorren Blackthorn]

Micah was having a wonderful time, when Laurnen pulled away, chuckling. He cocked an eyebrow at her and she began laughing harder. "It isn't . . . haha . . . you . . ." she breathed, and he chuckled a little. The thought hadn't crossed his mind, and even if it had, he would've just laughed along with her. Anything that made her happy, he decided, made him happy as well.

Then she snorted delicately and that sent Micah laughing softly as she continued, "I'm sorry, I just . . . hehe . . . don't know what came over me." Her laughter faded away, and as her hand came to glide along his cheek, Micah pressed into the touch. And this time, when Laurnen started laughing, Micah began laughing with her. "I'm . . . sorry," she said. "You're just . . . you just . . . ahaha! You're so much . . . taller than me . . ."

"That's what you're going on about?" Micah whispered, laughing, too, but she didn't seem to notice for she had reached around his neck and pulled him to her, leaving him longing for the small gap between them to close. Her gaze dropped. She pulled away and Micah felt a sudden breath of cold as her warmth drew further from him.

"I'm sorry, that was irresponsible of me . . ."

"Don't," Micah said, and reached for her hand and gently stroked the back of it with his thumb. "Does it matter if it was irresponsible? It's only us. You don't have to be a Queen, or even anything similar. You don't have to perfect, you just have to be Laurnen. And that's all I want. You don't need to be someone else for me. Just Laurnen. Just yourself. And maybe you don't know quite who that is yet, but we'll find out. In the meantime, though," Micah said, "You have to do something for me, okay?"

He barreled on without waiting for a reply. "Stop acting like you're always alone. You have a friend . . . " Micah trailed off, and he tugged her hand to his lips, kissing her knuckles. His eyes glinted mischievously as he watched her through the hair that had falling into his face. "And maybe a little more than that. So don't pull away from me. I want to find out who you really are, the same way you do. And I don't care if you have to laugh at me to find out who that is." He chuckled a little. "I could use some laughter in my life again. So, if anything, do it for me. Please."

[Laurnen Eliana Kiluna]

-- everybody says that time heals everything
whatofthewretchedhollow,theendlessinbetween?

What Micah said just made Laurnen feel even worse, even though he hadn't meant it that way. Her melancholy expression changed into one of despair, and she leaped off of the bed, pulling her hand away from Micah's. "I-I'm sorry for doing that! I acted all Queenly again, an-and it's just natural, and I led you on . . ." Wrestling with her emotions, she frantically wondered if what she was saying sounded too Queenly, but then again, was that a bad thing? No, of course it was! "I . . . I don't think I can do . . . this." She gestured widely, indicating Micah and his room. "It's too much too soon, and I just . . . can't."
She dropped her head, feeling bad for Micah. She had led him on, while now she wasn't sure what to do or feel. Did she love him, was what she said the right thing to do? Being a Queen and acting like one had been her life, and it had done her well, except for mix her up in this . . . soap opera with Micah Blackthorn, with all people.
"And you're wrong, you know?" she added, her voice now soft, filled with mixed feelings. She was already feeling regret - which she had only moments ago told Micah not to feel - about how she reacted to what Micah said. She was just a scared little rabbit hiding in the body of a lion, jumping at things meant to comfort. No, she ran away from comfort, afraid for someone to get into her heart and then leave her, like her mother. And how Micah would react to what she just said filled her with fear. He could lash out angrily, like she had heard inn tales of gossip of how other noblewomen had gotten abused, or . . . or he could fix her with that stare like she had broken his heart and say he was "sorry" in that deep, kind voice of his; that would be worse.
"I am alone, I will always be alone, and I will make sure I'm alone. Nothing you do, or say, can change that! Even though you may give me kisses and hold me tight, at the end of the day, you're just going to leave me! No matter how much anyone says they love me, they leave me in that wretched, lonely hollow, in that empty time inbetween!" Her voice gradually rose to a yell as she stared at Micah, then she stopped as she realized she was imagining talking to her mother. Great, now she was projecting her hurt emotions on poor Micah, and that just made her feel guiltier.
Feeling horrible, Laurnen reached for the doorknob like she had minutes ago,

[ god, laurnen, you're just full of emotions, aren't you? >.> she annoys even me. xD but that's why I love her~ she needs more confidence in herself, which is why micah is so awesome. ]

arewejustgoingto wait it out?

[Micah Lorren Blackthorn]

Micah listened, expressionless. Laurnen's words hurt, but he wasn't giving up that easily. Especially when she reached for the doorknob. Micah leaped off his bed and lunged for Laurnen, latching onto her wrist in attempt to stop her from leaving. His grip was strong, but nothing she couldn't break free of if she really wanted to. "Laurnen," Micah said, then softer and more gentle, "Laurnen." He didn't touch her any more than her wrist. He didn't want to turn this into something that needed to be physical. If he could prove to her, just by his words, that he was worth taking a risk with and that she wasn't alone, then the holding and the kissing could come after.

But, for now, he had to rely on his voice and just enough contact to keep her from leaving.

"Maybe you were alone, Laurnen, but you aren't now. 'This.'" Micah motioned with his free hand in the same way Laurnen had earlier. "As you put it, doesn't have to mean anything more than a friendship. How much could a friend hurt you, Laurnen? A real friend, I mean, not one that would leave you when they've had their fill of amusement." Micah resisted the urge to pull her into a hug. "I know life leaves you down, okay? I know it hurts. I know what it's like to be alone, and don't tell me otherwise. Why do you think I turned to the drinks and the women? I need a distraction. From everything. From being so d*mn lonely.

"And maybe you had it worse because you're Queen. Well I think that just means you're stronger than me. You held up when things got hard, and maybe you suffered, but you were still there for Indopion. You did what I couldn't when you were alone, so think of the things you could do with a friend. Think of what we could accomplish together. And I'm not talking about a relationship more than platonic.

"I could be there for you Laurnen. I could convince my father to keep me here in the palace, go to every party. I'd find some way to be near you. And when you're surrounded my idiots that want your crown, you can find me in the crowd and I'd know. We could escape together, just to get away. We don't have to be lovers to avoid a room full of drunken old men and their crabby wives. The kisses and the holding? That doesn't make a person feel like they're surrounded in love, though they help. It's the people you know. Or knew. And maybe some of those people are gone, but they aren't really. They're still in your heart. You just have to open the doors you locked them behind and let the sorrow out so the good parts shine through. And when you're empty, you find something else to fill yourself with. You find a friend. And I'm not going to leave you."

When Micah finished, he met her gaze. Couldn't she just understand that she wasn't alone? He found himself praying she did.

He couldn't lose Laurnen. He wanted more than just a memory of her, stored away in his heart, under lock and key, to stay with him until the grave. And if he ever opened that door, he'd probably find too much sorrow in the way of the good memories.

ooc; Soooo tempted to have Micah ask something stupid like: "Is it that time of month?" xDD. Resisting the urge.

[Laurnen Eliana Kiluna]

-- everybody says that time heals everything
whatofthewretchedhollow,theendlessinbetween?

[ Laurnen: "HOW DID YOU KNOW?" D:< ]

She turned towards the door, showing Micah only her back, her hair swinging into her face. Laurnen smiled bitterly - Micah thought he'd understand what she'd been through, but he knew nothing. No matter what anyone said, they would never understand the way she felt. Words were comforting, but at the end of the day, that was all they were - words. Words may touch a soul for a moment, but then they were replaced by screams and hateful insults. Micah was probably just trying to convince her to trust him yet again through his words. When he had been "honest" with her before, it had been a practiced speech. But no, she wouldn't trust him. She would surprise him, be a different person like she had said she would. He believed that he had her in his grasp and had sealed it with a kiss, but she was the Queen, and she was going to do whatever she damn wanted.

Facing Micah again, she regarded him coolly, acting like she hadn't been completely entranced by him moments before. Then again, that was the past, this was the present, and Micah wasn't about to ruin her future. Glancing down at her wrist where she saw he was still holding it, using her other hand to try to push on one of his pressure points.

"So, you think that you can relate, just because you also lost a mother? Just because you feel you are alone? Just because you're so desperate for someone, you don't care who it is or what you say? And a friend can hurt me more than any other person. It's the people that get close to you that break you, as you very well know, or should realize by now, Micah. Stop acting like a child still innocent of the world, because you aren't. You're soul is stained black, and no matter how much you dance around that matter, it's not going to change.

"You don't care about me. You care about yourself, like you did on that day we met eachother. Everything you do is to your benefit, though you say it's for me, of all people. I'll accept that perhaps you didn't know who I was when you talked to me through the wall, but you didn't talk to me because I was crying. You talked to me because you wanted to know that there was someone worse off in the world; you wanted to comfort yourself while pretending to do that to me. Admit it to yourself, Micah - no matter what you say or do, you're still the liar inside, the worst kind of liar who lies to himself.

"And maybe I'm the same kind of person, but finally, I've stopped lying to myself and admitted what a horrible person I am. I put up acts to be the perfect Queen to my country, but it's just for me. I like having the power, I like having people cower in fear of me and my judgment, I like being who I am. So why do you keep on trying to run away from who you are?"

She smiled at him, but it was more of a smirk, like she thought she had already won. "Admit to yourself who you are, Micah. You'll feel free, finally knowing your place in the world. And perhaps we could have some fun together, the two people who don't belong, the two people who laugh at everyone else. What do you say?

"And maybe you'll say that I'm just saying all of this because I, myself, am trying to confirm that someone else is worse off than me, that I'm trying to hurt another person, that I'm trying to 'not be alone.' And maybe you're right, but the difference between you and me is that I know this, while you deny it."

[ also, I feel like a horrible roleplayer, having laurnen jump all over the place, one minute kissing him and the next crying and the next screaming at him, but she has a really dark side she tries to hide from everybody who she believes she "really" is. in that way, she's kind of like me. ]

arewejustgoingto wait it out?

[Micah Lorren Blackthorn]

ooc: I predict this is going to be a horrid response because I'm trying to come with something that doesn't involve Micah raging, which is what he would normally do. xD.

Micah tried to remain patient. D*mn this woman for being too good with words and d*mn her for being so d*mn stubborn. He refrained for saying any of that, among other things, aloud, because she was mad enough at him already. He ignored her attempts at escape by gripping his wrist, the pain given little notice.

"So you're calling me a liar? When did I lie about who I was, Laurnen?" Micah said. "When have I ever stood up for who I really was? When did I deny that I hadn't screwed up plenty of times? When did I say I wasn't a liar? I told you I didn't lie to you. I never said I didn't lie to the world. I accepted myself for who I was the day my father came begging on his knees for me to turn back to person I was before my mother died.

"Who would I run from Laurnen? You think that by dealing with prostitutes and drunks that I'm trying to hide from myself? I'm hiding from the world that wants me to be the opposite of myself. And if you won't let someone's words help you and won't let someone's actions give you a way out for the grief, you're just going to wallow in sorrow for the rest of your life. Tell me, Laurnen, why do you push people away? Because you're afraid of getting hurt? Do you like the pain? Do you like being do d*mn alone? Do you like the lies?

"And maybe those lies give you power, but they're still lies. They'll come back to hurt you in the end. They'll tear you apart. They'll eat you from the inside out, leave you with nothing but a shell. You won't find peace from anything anymore. Even the little things that used to make you happy will bring you sadness, or worse, no emotion at all. You won't even feel human anymore Laurnen. You won't be living--not really. You'll just be breathing, and that's the worst kind of suffering. You want to know how I know that? Because that's what where I am right now. The lies, the masks, the faking, that's what got me here.

"Look me in the eyes, Laurnen, and tell me that you want to be alone, that you want to suffer for the rest of your days. Tell me, in a week, a month, a year, a decade, that you won't regret pushing me away just once. Tell me that you won't regret pushing everything away at all. Tell me that you won't ever in your life think would things be different if I'd let someone in? If I'd given them a chance? Tell me."

Micah's gaze matched Laurnen's cool stare, and he didn't back down.